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Showing posts from July, 2016

self portraits x exposed

There is never an opportunity where I am not learning--learning something about myself, my feelings, what I want. I crave both isolation and societal gatherings. As a hopeless romantic, I yearn to fall in love, but on the other hand my dirty mind only makes me want one thing. I want your attention but don't care if you want me or not; I'm okay with being alone. My nature of contradictions is confusing but it's my genuine character.
I'm learning to be completely honest with myself in every aspect of my life. Speaking my truths to friends and family--and even strangers--is terrifying, but there's a satisfaction in being forward with my intentions. Sometimes, being on the receiving end of the truth is painful--but it won't kill me nor make me weak. As cliché as it sounds, it will make me stronger, my skin a little thicker, my perspective more understanding. 
My emotional empathy for others is deep and unconditional. I have always been all heart, all compassion. I…

closer

Your baby blues stared at me, locked onto my eyes. My usual impulse to look away  escaped me and a new one took it's place - I didn't want to move.  There was something different in your eyes, as if  you truly wanted to know me.  Immediately, my mind began to wander, my heart began to beat faster.
A feeling I'm all too familiar with started electrifying beneath my skin.  The air between us grew quiet as I leaned in closer, something magnetic pulling me into your energy.  But something kept me from reaching you. A heavy awareness of fear set and sank into my heart,  spreading a shadow of anxiety and paranoia all around me.
I want you so much closer, but my own doubts about myself are what is eating my feelings for you up. So I just sit there, across from you, hoping that you want to be closer to me too.

teleporting to the coast

I like to say that teleporting is my secret power, especially when it comes to heading out to the coast. There's a never-ending supply of magic when my feet touch the warm sand and the mist from the Pacific Ocean ruin my perfectly curled hair. My soul feels peace and finds serenity in the sound of the waves. A few weeks ago I ventured on a solo trip to the beach. My first time going alone. I was hesitant and cautious at first, but I'm glad I did it. I found this cute little spot in Half Boon Bay that I named my favorite. It was cloudy that day and not many people were there (I went on a Thursday afternoon) -- just how I like my beach trips. I dipped my feet in the freezing water every now and then, but found complete solitude in reading and writing for four hours. I never wanted to leave.
Lately, life has been a whirlwind of highs and lows that my head and my heart kept colliding with one another. But I then I think, doesn't everyone feel this way? I'm getting better …

july iv

Happy Fourth of July everyone!  I hope you all stay safe with the fireworks and brews tonight.
My apologies for the hiatus. I've been working on a lot of things lately, but I cannot wait to share them with you.
Stay patriotic xx

[ me photographed by B on an iPhone 6 ]